Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
