did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
