Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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