You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
