hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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