I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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