So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
