I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
