What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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