remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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