Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
