If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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