hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
