I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize