K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
