Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I will be naked everywhere
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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