i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
