Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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