His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
