Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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