I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
