I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
