She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
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