The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm bleeding and have questions
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
