fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize