I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
