i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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