somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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