Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
