Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
