whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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