well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
