I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
