wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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