also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize