Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize