Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
