I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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