I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
