You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
