forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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