BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
