Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
