The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We have started to decorate penises.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
