She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
