But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize