i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
