U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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