thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
