My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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