you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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