i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Life is so much better after having sex.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
