No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh god it's open bar.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
