I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
