His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
4 words: hood of his car
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
