Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
