i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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