I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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