he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
