So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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