I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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