The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
