tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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