the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
