My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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