Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
