youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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