New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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