i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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