I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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